I went back to university on Thursday!
I’ve been out of an academic school environment for 15 years and back when I was in one, despite being a previously good student, I did miserably and didn’t take it very seriously. I had thought about going back for a long time now. I love my business and will continue to do it and grow it, but for self-development I feel like diving back into my education is a good thing for me.
All week I had been quaking in my boots. I’d be the oldest one there — that actually hit me pretty hard — and I was feeling very self-conscious about that fact. What if I was too stupid now? What if I couldn’t remember anything? What if I couldn’t write a paper anymore? What if they’d boot me off the bus and laugh because my student ID # was from the 90s. Okay, that last one is silly but I thought it. Anxiety at its best. What if nobody would want to work with me on a group project?
What if I don’t deserve to go to school?
You know, I have never considered that I had a self-esteem issue — from time to time I feel low like everyone does but generally, I don’t think I’m stupid and I don’t think I’m bad at things nor do I feel I’m super old and if I was, why would that even matter — but geeeeeez. Every negative thought stuck with me this week.
And you know what? After my first few days there, it seems challenging in that I have things I will need to do every day, but I think I’ll be fine, and I’m glad I stretched myself.